Love Nowadays

I read an article today on love and it resonated with me. I notice that it's become very convenient for couples to break up and divorce without trying to properly work things out. I stuck by my last 2 exs for 2 years trying to work things out but it didn't work out. I really feel that if it had been someone else in my position who was just like me, they would have left sooner. People nowadays seem to want to be loved fully and wholeheartedly but are afraid to reciprocate. From my experience, some would blame it on bad past relationships which is a convenient shield to hide behind, others are always looking for someone "perfect" or someone "better" and not willing to give their all to someone even if they feel it's right.

I had a bad relationship before where I gave my all and was left feeling like a fool, dejected, depressed, in a mess but with the benefit of hindsight, it did bring me dividends as it made me stronger mentally and emotionally. In the case of some, they do learn from bad relationships but it only leads to being cold and building a protective wall around their heart. It takes a positive and brave person to come out of a bad relationship, learn from mistakes made, take the positives and move on without generalising, judging and becoming bitter. Whatever you did for one person was not appreciated and recognised but it doesn't mean that whatever you did was wrong. It could just mean that you met the wrong person at that time.

Sometimes people come into our lives in this manner to teach us something and help us grow. Take it as that. People tend to think that they have this person and he or she is fine but let's keep our options open, let's not commit to anything because there could be someone better. There would always be someone better. Someone who looks better or has a better body or better bank balance or is a better human being but it doesn't mean the person is the perfect one for you. We all have checklists I suppose of what we look for in a partner but it is impossible to find someone who ticks off all the boxes in the checklist. You need to prioritise for what is most important and as for the rest, you can just learn to accept your partner as he or she is or look to improve him or her with their consent. Do remember that you are not perfect either and there could likely be things that your partner has to accept of you or is looking to improve in you.

I used to tell my ex that if there was ever a machine where I can input all the criteria I was looking for in a woman and that woman would appear before me and be mine, I wouldn't be with her. Of course, I didn't stay on with her and I said it in jest because I knew there was no such thing and there can never be anyone perfect. I met and decided to marry the woman I met after her and that's not because I had found the perfect woman. I made that decision because she was perfect for me. We just need to find someone that is perfect for us and not the perfect person because what is perfect for us might not be the perfect package.

On the grass is greener on the other side issue, our mind gets caught in this puzzle as it occasionally visits a decision you made in love. What if I had given someone else a chance? Would things turn out differently now? Would he or she have really changed? Maybe the other person would have been better for me? We would never know so it's best to stop such thoughts and focus on the decision you have made and stick to that decision which in this case is the person you chose to be with. Every decision you make in life has it's pros and cons. In this case, whoever you choose to be will not be able to guarantee a smooth-sailing journey, as in all relationships, you are bound to face some ups and downs. The lesser downs you face the better of course but rocky times can help a couple grow if they see through it together by being mature, communicating with each other and through understanding.

We don't have to break up the moment we start having problems. If there are problems, try and fix them. A problem can only be fixed if both parties talked amicably without getting into heated arguments, spoke maturely and most importantly listened to each other and understood where the other was coming from. A common ground can always be found and an understanding can always be reached. Both parties cannot be expected to give only or take only, someone has to give some and take some and the other got to do likewise. I read that people are divorcing because they feel the love is getting lesser which is why it is important to pace yourself out in a long-term relationship and not choose someone based on lust only. A long-term relationship is a marathon and not a sprint. If you give too much, too soon, it will fizzle out. It's important to give your all, give love and receive it too but not all in one go. Pace it out. It is important for couples to have their personal space as well so that they can indulge in their own passion and/or hobbies away from each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is also important for couples in a relationship to keep things spiced up in a relationship and not slacken off just because you are in a long-term relationship. That's no excuse to slacken off. To keep the interest going and the fire burning within you, is the hardest thing to do I reckon in a long-term relationship but possible I feel.